Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
