I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
