My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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