she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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