I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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