Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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