Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
