I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
