You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
