Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm bleeding and have questions
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
