If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
