Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
