If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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