Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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