booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
