Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
