dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
