she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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