I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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