oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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