a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
