He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
