Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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