similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
