who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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