I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
