The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
