There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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