ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
