Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
