I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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