Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
