I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
