I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
