is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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