Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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