ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
