when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
