does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
