so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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