we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
