he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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