now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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