Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
