I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
