Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
