I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
