Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
