how can u be prego again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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