Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
