Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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