He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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