hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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